You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
