He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
