You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
