You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
