I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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