I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
