I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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