Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
