so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
