That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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