just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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