Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
