I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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