Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
