Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
