Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
