Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he told me I talked like a deaf person
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
