Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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