I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
