Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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