You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize