Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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