you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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