if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
