i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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