So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
