What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
