She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
