is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
