OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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