i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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