dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
