The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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