Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize