Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
