Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
