My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
