I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
