Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
