I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He better not be in your backpack
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
