If i come over, it means nothing
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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