He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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