he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
