mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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