Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think your dad took our porno
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
