I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
