dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
