I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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