im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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