god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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