2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
