It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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