When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
