dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Randomize
