Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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