He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
