i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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