I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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