His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize