dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize