Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
