Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
