At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
