With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
