also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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