I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
