well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
