But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
