There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
