If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
third nipple confirmed
Couch. On fire.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
