There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
