I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
as a side note pls kill me
I think my moral compass just broke
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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