halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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