Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
