Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
