you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
