I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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