Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
