honey bunches of taint.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
