I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
