my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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