Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
