Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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