I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
