eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
