I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
